Well, here goes my first post. I created this blog so that I would know when my Mom had updated her blog without checking it several times a day, or without calling her and asking her if she posted yet. The more I thought about it, the more I thought maybe this is just what I need as an outlet. Who knows? We'll find out won't we :)
So, it's Monday morning and I'm getting ready for work and thinking about the sermons I heard yesterday and my mind goes to the same place that it has for several years now...."the accusation". There is a couple that I met when I first started going to GNTC. They seemed a bit odd but I tried to be friendly. The person I was dating at the time wanted to get to know them more. He insisted that we go visit them. I insisted that we call first. So, since he didn't have a phone he would call them from mine, failing to leave a message. Since they didn't answer he wanted to drive by to see if they were home. So, that happened a couple times and then he took the hint and stopped trying to visit them. A few weeks later, the wife invited me to hang out after morning service. I had to decline because I had made a promise to another brother in the Lord and didn't have time that day. So, fast forward a couple weeks ahead and I, not the person I was seeing and I, just me, get confronted as I head out to church. This husband and wife duo said that they knew that I was attracted to the husband and that there was no use acting all innocent and that they could see right through me. I was DEVASTED!! Not only was it untrue, it was disgusting to even think about. I was in such shock that I couldn't even respond. Fast forward a couple more years and I find out that they had gone to others and said that I would repeatedly call and hang up hoping that the husband would answer the phone, and would drive by to try to see him in his boxers. Seriously disgusting people!! Now, as absurd as that all is, it is still hurting me today. Because of that I don't fellowship at all with my brothers in the Lord. I might say, "Hi, Praise the Lord" or something to that affect but I very rarely look them in the eye or really get to have a relationship with them b/c I'm afraid not only of what may have been said to others but also that it would happen again. Now that couple only pops in for a few weeks here or there to cause trouble. And I can see them for exactly what they are, deceived and being used by the devil.
So, why did I put that on, why do I still allow myself to be entrenched in that, even if only in my mind? The Bible says that the devil is a liar and the father of lies. There is no truth in him.
"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." Phil. 4:7-8
So, instead of focusing on the accusations that the devil tries to put on me, I'll put on the mind of Christ. I'll think about the things that He says that I am, redeemed, forgiven, saved, worth dying for, healed, kept in a safe place, a daughter of the King, continually being conformed to his image, set free, changed..................
Great post, Sweetie! I'm sorry that this happened to you, but there is obviously something God is trying to teach you. There is a saying in OA - what other people think of me is none of my business. Sometimes it's hard not to get caught up in what others think, but I think that fear is the single most thing that keeps us from being who God wants us to be.
ReplyDeleteLove you!!!